My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
