I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
