She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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