Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
