Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
