I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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