i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
