You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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