Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
