I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
