On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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