I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
