Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
