in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
