I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Randomize
