My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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