hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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