my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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