found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We are all done wearing pants today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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