Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
