should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
