when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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