Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
