as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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