So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
