Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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