overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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