She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
