The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
