What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
