woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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