my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
