I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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