We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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