pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
