i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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