I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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