i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
