Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
