he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
