This is not my ceiling
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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