Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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