get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
