Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
