Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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