I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
