he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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