Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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