do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
