Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
