somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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