You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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