Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
