You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
