When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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